I work hard for my money, so hard for my money.

29 Jan

Okay so that lyric doesn’t totally apply to my topic, but the working part does.  I have recently come to the realization that being a parent is really hard work.  Duh, right?  I know.  But seriously, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  In one moment you can be completely overcome with both immense love and frustration at the same time.  It is a weird paradox to be in the middle of, but I have to say that it is a great place to be.  Like take last night for instance.  Wee-wood 1 is going through this little stage right now where she does not want to do anything that She-wood and I tell her to do, and obviously, this is infuriating.  But last night it came to a head.  She likes, for some crazy reason, to put blankets over her head and walk around the house.  Wee-wood 2 is just learning to pull up on things and is very wobbly at the moment.  Wee-wood 1, inevitably, bumps into wee-wood 2, and her faced smashes into a toy.  This angered me greatly since Wee-wood 1 had been told several times by both She-wood and myself to stop what she was doing.  In the heat of the moment, Wee-wood 1 got a spanking and I yelled at her to go sit in time out until I told her to get up.  Of course both of the Wee-woods were crying at this point.  After I sat down, cooled off for a minute, and the situation began to diffuse, I realized that what I had done was not really the right way to handle that.  I am sure that me jumping up off the couch yelling at her and spanking her both scared and saddened Wee-wood 1.  I had to get down on the floor and look Wee-wood1 right in the eyes.  I told her that what I had done was wrong, and I apologized for yelling at her.  I also used the moment to teach that Wee-wood 1 and 2 have to do what mommy and daddy tell them to do.  Needless to say, it was a tender moment between father and daughter.

I recount this event in order to come to the conclusion that parenting is incredibly hard.  Parents have to be the perfect balance of authority figure and friend, teacher and disciplinarian.  It is hard.  I know all you parents out there are saying, “Tell me something I don’t know,” but I guess it has been weighing heavy on my heart lately.  Becoming a parent has put a completely different perspective on my relationship with God.  He is simply trying to keep me safe and set parameters for my own good, but I think that I know best and I don’t want to listen to Him all the time.  I step outside God’s parameters and do things that end up hurting myself, others, and God in the process.  It has truly opened my eyes to the vast greatness of the gift of grace and forgiveness.  Grace is shown to me in so many ways from God.  He doesn’t jump up and yell at me in the heat of the moment, but He uses each infraction on my part as a tender, teachable moment between Father and son.

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