As deep cries out to deep, we say come Lord Jesus come…

2 Aug

I am currently reading through Tim Keller’s The Prodigal God, and I really have been struck by a statement he makes in the fourth chapter.  On page 56/57 he writes, “The first sign you have an elder-brother spirit is that when your life doesn’t go as you want, you aren’t just sorrowful but deeply angry and bitter.”  This hit me hard, but first let me give Keller’s definition of the “elder-brother” spirit.  On page 45, Keller writes, “You seek to control God through your obedience…all your morality is just a way to use God to make him give you the things in life you really want.”  It is definitely a redefinition of sin as we usually see it.

Anyways, back to why the original statement struck me.  I had to take a step back from my current situation and ask if I had experienced this type of spirit.  I think that at the beginning of the summer as things began to “fall apart” at our church, I definitely asked the question, “God, where did I go wrong?”  and I also thought, “God why is this happening to us?”  However, I really think that through digging into the Word, spending some intense time in prayer, and seeking the counsel of more mature believers, I have come to the understanding that this is exactly where God wants and needs me to be right now.  He is molding me into the person that I need to be for the next place in ministry that He is preparing for me.  To steal a line from a well-known pastor, “He is preparing me for what He is preparing for me.”

While the past two months have been stressful and unusual, to say the least, they have also been deeply encouraging and very formative for me as well.  I feel as though I have grown so much in my walk with the Lord over this time.  I have learned so much about who God is and how He interacts with my life.  I have grown in my understanding of God’s character and His attributes.  I also have come to the understanding that I previously had a somewhat skewed view of how God’s character and attributes play out in my life.  I know that God will provide for me and love me as an object of grace because I am one of His children.  However, the way that God provides for me does not, in anyway whatsoever, have to look the way that I think it should.  I feel like where I am is a great place for me to be both as a child of God and as a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I am in no way the same man I was two months ago, and that is a fabulous thing.  I am evolving in my walk with Jesus, and I pray for it to continue.  I long for the words of Psalm 42:7 to be true of my life, “Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me.”  I have definitely felt the deep calling to deep over this period in my life, and I don’t want it to end.

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